Deep in the soil of the forgotten (with Carla)
I've buried you deep
Deep in the soil of the forgotten
I'd rather not think of the bad memories
I'd rather not dwell on something I one day called "Love"
I'd rather keep you buried
Beneath flourishing hope that one day there's more to life then dishonesty
Beautiful flowers will one day prove you wrong
Their beauty will steal your spotlight
Because all you're worth is lower than dirt.
So I've buried you deep
Deep in the soil of the forgotten
Because you're not even worth a simple memory.
Pain cascades down my face disguised as tears
Your memories bead up and trickle down my memory
Deep in the soil of the forgotten you have been laid to rest
All of the empty promises are in this hollowed heart
Emptied out from the “love” you gave to me
Or was that the heartache you placed on me
You’re not worth a flash back
In reality you are a terrible case of déjà vu
While I battle and fight back a desire to feel bad for you
I’ve buried you deep in a 6 by 6 that houses your 5 foot frame
Custom made with the shattered pieces of my essence
You did this to me and I’ve let your rancid memories go
Pain cascades down my face disguised as tears
I placed you deep in the soil of the forgotten
Forgotten as I pack the dirt of your memories around your grave
Because you’re not worth remembering
An Akili Carter original"
Akili's pen- "A Man Undefined"
“Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them.” Charles Simic. Poetry has been my solace for the last 16 years. My new book is called "A Man Undefined" these are some of the poems from the collection. Contact me via facebook if you are interested in ordering either of my books. Thanks for stopping in.
18.8.10
16.8.10
Wishes and airplanes and stuff (in honor of Belkin)
I know you could really use a wish right now
There are only so many ways to write that you a worried about someone
So I’m taking the opportunity to make a wish on a four leaf clover for you
I wish that you weren’t sick because it sits on my psyche
Knowing that you need a wish right now
I wish that the doctors could have a magical cure for you
That you could take and all of your ailments would be gone
Then I wish the doc had a magic wand to bop you over the head with
That would make all of your other concerns float away
I don’t know why they want airplanes in the night sky to be shooting stars
But I’d like for the sky to be full of first stars
So you could make a wish and feel a million times better
I know you’d wish to be put on an airplane going to some place nice and quiet
Then I’d give you a magic genie so that you could make three wishes
And we could go back in time and have you make the right choice
Choose to walk away from the needle and embrace something else
All of the tears in your heart and head would be evaporated
Those people would never have hurt you and would show you the love you need
I really need a wish right now, and that wish would be to help you
"Brought to you by Akili's Pen"
There are only so many ways to write that you a worried about someone
So I’m taking the opportunity to make a wish on a four leaf clover for you
I wish that you weren’t sick because it sits on my psyche
Knowing that you need a wish right now
I wish that the doctors could have a magical cure for you
That you could take and all of your ailments would be gone
Then I wish the doc had a magic wand to bop you over the head with
That would make all of your other concerns float away
I don’t know why they want airplanes in the night sky to be shooting stars
But I’d like for the sky to be full of first stars
So you could make a wish and feel a million times better
I know you’d wish to be put on an airplane going to some place nice and quiet
Then I’d give you a magic genie so that you could make three wishes
And we could go back in time and have you make the right choice
Choose to walk away from the needle and embrace something else
All of the tears in your heart and head would be evaporated
Those people would never have hurt you and would show you the love you need
I really need a wish right now, and that wish would be to help you
"Brought to you by Akili's Pen"
6.2.10
Nice guys finish last?
heres a response to an article i read about "nice guys"
Being that I’ve been told several times that I’m the “nice guy”
I figured I’d give my two cents
“Nice guys” finish last in many cases
However, in many cases they don’t
Sure, I take care of my girl and treat her like a princess
But, I’m far from a pushover and hardly a door mat
Many people that felt that way about me
Learned the hard-ly easy way that in fact, I’m not so nice
I’m like a lot of “nice guys”
I fall somewhere in the middle
Somewhere between, the “dick head” guys that girls are drawn to
And the uber nice and sweet guy that girls are scared off buy
But I do have a question?
In what world is being “nice” a terrible character flaw
I happen to value my girlfriend and the time I spend with her
Because, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with my girlfriend
But, in reality who do these girls end up marrying anyway?
The “nice guy” from what I’ve seen
This is by no means an attack on guys that girls consider “dick heads”
This also isn’t a commentary on how guys should act
I treat my daughter, my mother, and girlfriend as they should be treated
I have another question?
Do these same people that fault the “nice guy” want their daughters or sisters or mothers
Going out with the “dick head” guys
No! exactly!
So I pose this to you, maybe being the “nice guy” makes you finish last
But atleast you finish feeling better about how you treat other people
You finish feeling better about yourself
You know that you don’t send the women in your life home crying
But maybe that’s the “nice guy” in me
Walking around picking up the pieces of the other guys
That these women just broke up with
Making these women feel valued again
Treated like a queen and giving them the attention
They know they want
But pretend that they don’t like
"An Akili Carter original"
Being that I’ve been told several times that I’m the “nice guy”
I figured I’d give my two cents
“Nice guys” finish last in many cases
However, in many cases they don’t
Sure, I take care of my girl and treat her like a princess
But, I’m far from a pushover and hardly a door mat
Many people that felt that way about me
Learned the hard-ly easy way that in fact, I’m not so nice
I’m like a lot of “nice guys”
I fall somewhere in the middle
Somewhere between, the “dick head” guys that girls are drawn to
And the uber nice and sweet guy that girls are scared off buy
But I do have a question?
In what world is being “nice” a terrible character flaw
I happen to value my girlfriend and the time I spend with her
Because, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with my girlfriend
But, in reality who do these girls end up marrying anyway?
The “nice guy” from what I’ve seen
This is by no means an attack on guys that girls consider “dick heads”
This also isn’t a commentary on how guys should act
I treat my daughter, my mother, and girlfriend as they should be treated
I have another question?
Do these same people that fault the “nice guy” want their daughters or sisters or mothers
Going out with the “dick head” guys
No! exactly!
So I pose this to you, maybe being the “nice guy” makes you finish last
But atleast you finish feeling better about how you treat other people
You finish feeling better about yourself
You know that you don’t send the women in your life home crying
But maybe that’s the “nice guy” in me
Walking around picking up the pieces of the other guys
That these women just broke up with
Making these women feel valued again
Treated like a queen and giving them the attention
They know they want
But pretend that they don’t like
"An Akili Carter original"
24.1.10
when your hurt turns cold
When your hurt turns cold
When your hurt turns cold
You feel your heart become chilled
The blood slows to a slug like crawl and you feel no palpitations
It crawls from your soul
Up your throat and you vomit it out
For all to see and hear
All you can hear is the hurt coming out in my words
The hurt comes out and will give your essence frost bite
Your ears might crumble off the side of your head
When my hurt turns cold
So, when your hurt turns cold
What are you going to do
But freeze up from the inside out
And cry
"An Akili Carter original"
When your hurt turns cold
You feel your heart become chilled
The blood slows to a slug like crawl and you feel no palpitations
It crawls from your soul
Up your throat and you vomit it out
For all to see and hear
All you can hear is the hurt coming out in my words
The hurt comes out and will give your essence frost bite
Your ears might crumble off the side of your head
When my hurt turns cold
So, when your hurt turns cold
What are you going to do
But freeze up from the inside out
And cry
"An Akili Carter original"
25.11.09
Crying
Crying (in honor of Shannon)
Every day I cry when I think of the hurt
Every day I cry when the lassitude’s of destruction
You have laid on my poor grieving heart
Come crashing down on my head
“It’s not you, it’s me” you said
It’s not me that broke up my world
Made it all come crashing down
That was you too
It wasn’t me that had to break up with my voicemail
That was you as well
All the time I’m stewing in my own head, crying
Looking at pictures of us, crying
Thinking about your family functions, crying
Driving to and from work, listening to pitifully sad love songs
Still crying every step of the way
I try to call you and you ignore my calls
You won’t let me have closure and end it like a grown up
So I have to sit here stuck in infancy
Trying to figure out how to do anything besides cry
I need to pick my heart up again
Restructure the pieces back into a solid figure
My heart is broken and I want to make it whole again
But I keep crying
I want to move, yet I keep crying
Stagnated by the way you left me in the dark
Holding and consoling myself, and still crying
"An Akili Carter original"
Every day I cry when I think of the hurt
Every day I cry when the lassitude’s of destruction
You have laid on my poor grieving heart
Come crashing down on my head
“It’s not you, it’s me” you said
It’s not me that broke up my world
Made it all come crashing down
That was you too
It wasn’t me that had to break up with my voicemail
That was you as well
All the time I’m stewing in my own head, crying
Looking at pictures of us, crying
Thinking about your family functions, crying
Driving to and from work, listening to pitifully sad love songs
Still crying every step of the way
I try to call you and you ignore my calls
You won’t let me have closure and end it like a grown up
So I have to sit here stuck in infancy
Trying to figure out how to do anything besides cry
I need to pick my heart up again
Restructure the pieces back into a solid figure
My heart is broken and I want to make it whole again
But I keep crying
I want to move, yet I keep crying
Stagnated by the way you left me in the dark
Holding and consoling myself, and still crying
"An Akili Carter original"
When Love is Madness
When love is madness (in honor of Marni)
When you cannot figure out what is going to happen next
When every word they say goes through your chest
When those words crash into your heart like shrapnel
The love makes you mad like you have no sanity
All you can say is “you drive me crazy”
So as you drink in his unpredictability
He lives in insanity
But not as in crazy
He keeps you off balance emotionally
While he drains his emotions in liquid libation
Stifled by sporadic emotional masturbation
Today he is emotive, tomorrow he might not be
You want to return to the first days of how he used to be
The time when he used to be so sweet and caring
Now all he seems to care about is everything but you
When love is madness you try to remain stable
When love is madness you attempt to smile
There’s no medication or therapy to fix this hurt
There’s no one person besides him, whom can Aleve this hurt
You want him to grab you and hug you, to relieve the hurt
So tired of reliving this hurt and pain
I just want to be normal again
I so often forget what is normal again and again
Never knew if we were normal to begin with
When you cannot figure out what is going to happen next
When every word he says goes through your chest
When those destroy your heart and prevent it from beating
When love is madness
The madness seems never ending
"An Akili Carter original"
When you cannot figure out what is going to happen next
When every word they say goes through your chest
When those words crash into your heart like shrapnel
The love makes you mad like you have no sanity
All you can say is “you drive me crazy”
So as you drink in his unpredictability
He lives in insanity
But not as in crazy
He keeps you off balance emotionally
While he drains his emotions in liquid libation
Stifled by sporadic emotional masturbation
Today he is emotive, tomorrow he might not be
You want to return to the first days of how he used to be
The time when he used to be so sweet and caring
Now all he seems to care about is everything but you
When love is madness you try to remain stable
When love is madness you attempt to smile
There’s no medication or therapy to fix this hurt
There’s no one person besides him, whom can Aleve this hurt
You want him to grab you and hug you, to relieve the hurt
So tired of reliving this hurt and pain
I just want to be normal again
I so often forget what is normal again and again
Never knew if we were normal to begin with
When you cannot figure out what is going to happen next
When every word he says goes through your chest
When those destroy your heart and prevent it from beating
When love is madness
The madness seems never ending
"An Akili Carter original"
3.11.09
Through the bottle
Alcoholic mother, father, and brother
Drinking always the lone thing that connects them together
Liquor the substance that appears thicker than blood
For their family
I try to sit back and look at things objectively
But get so angry that I feel like I need a drink myself
Want to take the drama and displace it for her
Want to destroy the negativity and transform it into something more
They are always looking at each other through the bottle
The only strong family ties seemed to be sewn together
Amongst the beer and vodka goldschlager and grey goose
I look at she and she only looks sad and hurt
Even though she looked for more from them
They were always looking back at her through a bottle
Incessantly swigging, shot-ing, and chugging
The alcohol lubricating the pain that has been omnipresent
Dusting her heart with glass bottle shards
Cancer, homeless, locked up, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg
Dancing around each other in an alcohol hazed stupor
Her mind numbs and slows as if she was drinking when she sees them
I see them, meticulously destroy her
She wants them to show love and share their hearts
But none of them know how to express anything but criticism
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
And the drinks take them back into their cold closed off hearts
Not knowing how to tell their sister and daughter that they love her
Not knowing how to express love
Looking for love she is
But all they can show her is the empty bottle
The empty loves in their life
All I can do is show her that at the end of the day
Empty bottles are just empty bottles
"An Akili Carter original"
Drinking always the lone thing that connects them together
Liquor the substance that appears thicker than blood
For their family
I try to sit back and look at things objectively
But get so angry that I feel like I need a drink myself
Want to take the drama and displace it for her
Want to destroy the negativity and transform it into something more
They are always looking at each other through the bottle
The only strong family ties seemed to be sewn together
Amongst the beer and vodka goldschlager and grey goose
I look at she and she only looks sad and hurt
Even though she looked for more from them
They were always looking back at her through a bottle
Incessantly swigging, shot-ing, and chugging
The alcohol lubricating the pain that has been omnipresent
Dusting her heart with glass bottle shards
Cancer, homeless, locked up, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg
Dancing around each other in an alcohol hazed stupor
Her mind numbs and slows as if she was drinking when she sees them
I see them, meticulously destroy her
She wants them to show love and share their hearts
But none of them know how to express anything but criticism
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
And the drinks take them back into their cold closed off hearts
Not knowing how to tell their sister and daughter that they love her
Not knowing how to express love
Looking for love she is
But all they can show her is the empty bottle
The empty loves in their life
All I can do is show her that at the end of the day
Empty bottles are just empty bottles
"An Akili Carter original"
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